タイガー母: Tiger Mother

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Saying they wanted their daughter to follow her passions, the parents of 15-year-old Madeline Zhang* told reporters Wednesday (after they dropped her off at her robotics meeting) that they strongly encourage all of her interests that will lead to acceptance from an Ivy League university and high-paying career. “We want Madeline to pursue what makes her happy, whether that’s violin, piano, math, or medicine – as long as it’s something that looks good on her college resume and will be useful in her future – whatever her heart desires,” said Madeline’s mother, Yuhua Li, adding that she would gladly take her daughter to any necessary meetings or practices that happened to be located within a 10-minute drive. “Anything in the world that’s eight, maybe nine miles away that expands her horizons is definitely something we want to support, and when she turns 16 and can drive, then we can support anything that falls within a $100-a-month budget. And if it’s something that one of our friends does for a living and is willing to offer an internship, all the better.” The Zhangs admitted, however, that they were actively discouraging their daughter from a small handful of potentially useless extracurriculars, such as art, theater, and similar activities for which they’d have to constantly lend her money to support her in the future. When asked whether she accepts all of the decisions her parents have made for her, Madeline responded that “I have spent so much time in my activities that now I love doing them.” She was confident that even if she doesn’t start out enjoying her career in the future, as long as she can earn enough money to make her family proud and provide them with humble bragging rights to all the other Chinese parents at Lunar New Year parties, she will find that the more she immerses herself in her work, the more she will enjoy it.

*Names have been changed to protect the identity of the family, who did not wish for their friends to see this article, but will nonetheless bring it up in conversation and hint that it is about them.

Note: this post is a parody of this Onion article: http://www.theonion.com/article/supportive-parents-encourage-childs-interests-anyt-52139